July 14, 2021
Non sequitur: Latin for “it does not follow.” It comes from the words non meaning “not” and sequi meaning “to follow.” Non sequitur is a conversational literary device, often used for comedic purposes. It is something said that, because of its apparent lack of meaning relative to what preceded it, seems absurd to the point of being humorous.
👉 Wiley Miller writes one of my favorite comic strips, “Non Sequitur.” In the spirit of all that follows today, here are two of those strips:
Wiley is not Gary Larson’s “Far Side,” but he is very good.
👉 When I first looked at these two panels I saw no relationship between them. Upon reflection, I am convinced they go together perfectly. Peas from the same pod.
👉 QB hasn’t shared a collection of puns in a few days, so here you go:
• With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
• Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
• Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
• A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.
• The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.
👉 Some smiles from the comic strips:
👉 It has been maybe 30 years since a friend gave me a copy of “The Rules.” Actually there are two sets of “Rules.” The first list is composed by and universally agreed to by women everywhere. The second set, to be published in tomorrow’s blog, is composed by and universally agreed to by men everywhere. You buys your tickets and you takes your chances.
THE RULES
1. The Female always makes The Rules.
2. The Rules are subject to change without notice.
3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules.
4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some of The Rules.
5. The Female is never wrong.
6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.
7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The Female can change her mind at any time.
9. The Male must never change his mind without the express written consent of The Female.
10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.
14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said.
15. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5.
👉 Some signs for the times:
👉 Today’s close, “Let There Be Lightbulb Jokes,” is one of my own composing.
Let There Be Lightbulb Jokes
I read once that there are only seven basic jokes in the world – all the rest are variations on one of those themes. Having boldly stated that conclusion, the author never bothered to tell his readers what the seven jokes were.
Failing to find those seven original stories, the rest of us make do with different types of jokes. I am old enough to remember Knock-Knock Jokes, Little Moron Jokes, and Elephant Jokes, but Lightbulb Jokes may be the best type of humor around. They follow a standard format: “How many ____ does it take to change a lightbulb?” The answer depends on the idiosyncrasies, practices, or routines (real or perceived) of the person or group with whom you are having sport. The best thing about them is they make fun of our foibles, follies and stereotypes. With a little bit of forethought, you can poke good, clean fun at almost everyone.
A few of my all-time favorites follow.
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? One, but the light bulb must WANT to change.
How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a light bulb? How many do you think it takes?
How many male chauvinists pigs does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Let the little woman cook in the dark.
How many _____ (fill in the blank with a student from the college or university you would most like to insult) does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the student gets 3 hours credit for it.
How many economists? None. They’re waiting for the unseen hand of the market to correct the lighting disequilibrium.
How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to change the lightbulb, and one to sue the original lightbulb manufacturer for pain and suffering for having to change the lightbulb, compensation for lost light, and to set a new legal precedence requiring lightbulb manufacturers to state clearly that lightbulbs may require replacing, and that the manufacturer is in no way responsible for lost wages or any other consequential damages as allowed by law.
The next three I wrote for this occasion.
How many professional wrestling fans? None, because “Rasslin” fans know the darkness is only a work.
How many mathematicians? Four. One to be sure the Texas Instrument-83 calculator has fresh batteries. One to determine which formula to use. One to change the bulb. And one to explain why it is important that you understand how you got the bulb into the socket, even if it does not come on.
How many Cold War Russians does it take to change a light bulb? None. Russian lightbulbs are perfect. They never need changing. How many modern day Russians? None. You can’t find any lightbulbs that are not burnt out.
A variation: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.
The are many “religious” versions, but in order to keep this light (sorry), the following are limited to groups where I have personally held membership.
How many Charismatics? Five. One to change the bulb and four to pray against the spirit of darkness.
How many Pentecostals? CHANGE???
How many members of an established Bible-teaching church that is over 20 years old does it take to change a light bulb? Ten. One to actually change the bulb, and nine to say how much they liked the old one.
How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb? This statement was issued: “If in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your lightbulb (or light source, or non-dark resource), and present it next month at our annual lightbulb Sunday service.”
And finally, how many Christians does it take to change a lightbulb in Heaven? None. “The city has no need of the sun nor of the moon to give light to it, for the glory, splendor and radiance of God has illumined it, and the Lamb is its lamp and light” (Revelation 21:23 – Amplified).
If you are walking in darkness, remember, Jesus is the Light of the World. An eternity in darkness is no laughing matter.
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