QUARANTINE BLOG # 202

October 18, 2020

Thoughts on Love, From the Experts

Let’s begin with the definition of marriage: the union of one woman and one man as husband and wife.

One of the first sermons I preached at Macedonia United Methodist Church was “Six Easy Steps to Ruin Your Marriage” (It is actually, not a difficult thing to do).  Tear each other down, never build each other up.  Never say, “I’m sorry.”  Never be honest with each other.  Have a best friend other than your husband or wife.  Avoid being intimate with your spouse.  Leave  God completely out of your marriage.

A Jamaican folk-proverb says, “Before you marry, keep your two eyes open.  After you marry, shut one.”

Today we turn to the experts.  I cannot tell you which learned society did the research, although I did attempt to locate its source, but one thing’s certain: it has nothing to do with Dr. Phil or Oprah.  Nor can I document the validity of the study, but the answers have the ring of truth.  There is one thing you should know about the respondents – all were between the ages of six and ten.

The survey asked why love happens between two particular people.

Andrew said, “One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else who has freckles, too.”

Mae replied, “No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell.  That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular.”

The survey sayers had some other good ideas.  Feel free to try any of them.

“Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores,” Del said.

“Shake your hips and hope for the best,” suggested Camille.

“Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs and don’t worry if their parents are right there,” replied Alonzo.

An interesting question from the survey was to suggest the title of a brand new love ballad to sing to your beloved.  These ditties aren’t on any Top 40 play list, but they probably should be.

Larry sings, “You Are My Darling Even Though You Also Know My Sister.”

“I’m In Love With You Most Of The Time, But Don’t Bother Me When I’m With My Friends,” is Bob’s offering.

William enters the countdown with, “Hey, Baby, I Don’t Like Girls But I’m Willing to Forget You Are One.”

Here are two more momentous and important questions from The Love Survey.

First, how was kissing invented?

Gina explained, “I know one reason kissing was created.  It makes you feel warm all over, and they didn’t always have electric heat or fireplaces or even stoves in their houses.”

No amplification is needed there.

And second, how can you make love endure?  Remember, I told you these kids were experts.

“Don’t forget your wife’s name.  That will mess up the love.”  So said Dick, age 7.

Dave, age 8 recommended, “Be a good kisser.  It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash.”

But the grand prize answer comes from Natalie, age 9. “Don’t say you love somebody and then change your mind.  Love isn’t like picking what movie you want to watch.”

-30-