Della Street picked up the telephone on Perry Mason’s desk and buzzed the intercom. When the secretary answered in the outer office she said, “Gertie, hold all of Mr. Mason’s calls and find Paul Drake. Not only did our client not pack brown shoes to wear with his brown ensemble, he also failed to pack black socks to wear with his tuxedo. And whatever you do, do not let Lt. Tragg or Hamilton Burger get wind of this.”
Well, that’s not really the way it happened, but preparing to dress for our first formal night I realized that Della was correct – no black socks. That leaves me on the horns of a dilemma – and I never knew a hornless dilemma. I can wear bare feet inside my black patten leather tux shoes, or I can wear brown socks. Neither stylish. Neither appealing. Or I can borrow a pair of Bonnie’s black socks. It’s only for about five hours today and five hours Wednesday, but does wearing my wife’s socks make me weird? Or just weirder? Fashion dictates weirdness!
Fashion conundrum number two. Or is it number 3?
There are 2350 guests on board the Grandeur of the Seas. Approximately 40 percent of them are male. Of those 940 male guests, how many of them went out in the Florida sun – approximately 93 degrees – wearing long pants. There is every possibility that the answer is one. We did not bring enough sun screen to protect these white, white legs, so there was no overexposure.
We took an air boat and jungle tour today, very enjoyable. We’ve never been on an air boat, and Charlie, our driver/guide, zoomed us around, pointing out Florida wild life (other than my traveling companion) including a number of alligators. From the air boat we went to the jungle attraction and a pontoon boat ride in a natural lagoon filled with alligators. The place is called “Jungle Adventures” and it reminded me of the “tourist attractions” that used to dot Route 11, Route 1 and other highways from Maine to Florida in the days before the Interstate Highway System. Frequently they vied with each other for the most outrageous claims and outlandish attractions, all in the hopes of getting travelers to stop. The major example still existing is South of the Border – miles of beautiful highways spoiled by Pedro’s signs!
A very knowledgeable young lady then demonstrated a variety of animals – and yes, your intrepid travelers held a baby alligator (photo will be on the refrigerator at 233). She also bought out a tarantula and asked for volunteers to hold it. I remember the old Jonathan Winters routine when he walked into a church of snake handlers. “You don’t have a door on that side of the building. Bring those snakes closer and I’ll make a door for you!” I don’t care what she said about them, tarantulas are bad juju and there is not enough money in south Florida for yours truly to hold one.
The best part of the day was an old Seminole Indian – no kin to Prime Time Deon Sanders – who demonstrated the ways of his people from a bygone time: dwelling places, spears, bows, arrows, knives, and the less lethal kitchen appliances – bowls, pots, gourds. He talked about their care for their women and children. He told us the history of his people and how the Seminoles were never defeated, nor did they ever sign a peace treaty with the United States. He took a look at one man in the audience and said, “He may be your President. But he is not mine. We were not defeated. We signed no peace treaty.” He even looked at the sky and said, there is a storm coming, you will be wet in 30 minutes. He missed it by 10 minutes (the storm arrived in 40). And without a sign of Accuweather!
And now, if you will excuse me, I am going to go wash off the sun screen from my face, neck, ears and arms, and then take a nap. I will try to post something tomorrow night from Nassau.
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| That's my boat |
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| Hunting Gators |
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| On the lagoon |
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| Thar be Gators here! |
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| From another era |
TTFN!
